hmm... call me a crybaby if you want.. hahaz.. cuz i kept crying yesterday.. in case they state the date wrongly, i mentioning 21 october 2006, saturday.. well, before i go into that, hmm.. my coughing is still on..*cries* i hate coughing, medicine not helping much lohz.. *hpmh*
anyway, yesterday, i woke up early in the morning, feeling so sleepy and everything.. my daddy woke me up to help my mom change bedsheet.. i dreaded it.. i was mumbling "why me??" hahaz.. at last i still helped my mom, and guess what, i went to make a spectacle.. and it cost, $138.. great sum, so expensive.. T_T and my mom is paying for me, i felt so bad that i told her, after i get my pay i want to half the cost with her.. and of course, she rejected me.. and yesterday morning, she told me that my spects will be for my birhtday gift.. and i was like"wow!! $138 for my birthday gift?! great blessing!!" but little did i know, she gave me a sliver necklace with a nice three color small precious stones.. and the chain itself already costs $200++, my heart dropped.."wow!! it is like so amazing, first i get a $138 specs as birthday girt and now, this?! i am not only blessed.. i am VERY VERY BLESSED!!" hahaz.. then my daddy gave me $10, i went in my room put my money and went in to the kitchen, i felt my jeans de back pocket very "stuffed" so i put my hand in seeing what i have in there, and i found $20!! at first i thought it is the money my daddy gave me, then i realised that it was actually no.. i'm like,"wow, now i have extra $30!! hahaz.. wow..
i then went out to meet GraceT, yeps, she is back.. hahaz.. i did not like my top, so i went to hunt for a new one at TM, and well i found, it was so so nice, and costs $18 only.. hahaz.. so happy, most importantly, it makes me look slim.. wahahahaz..
then it was service, it felt short, but it was definitely meaningful, i realised Pastor said one thing that was so important, if we only look for supernatural in the spectacular, we will miss God.. yup.. and God, i dont wanna miss YOU okay... never ever.. because i want to be with you...
hmm.. then after service.. we fellowshipped!! hahz. i played with Kenrus guitar, and then the urge of crying overwhelmed me.. i hugged mel and cried really hard..thank you mel for being my huggable and sweet sister.. then i hugged annabelle and cried too..hahaz.. then i felt a bit better le.. hahaz...
Huiying, yvonne's friend came down.. she stay at amk so she took the same bus with us, as she is a new friend, obviously GraceQ will send her home.. so i alighted at sister Dorcas house de bus stop alone... it was so quiet and i got afraid, so i called Jiejin, and i couldnt hold it anymore... i cried in the phone, because i was so scared..
there is something which i never tell anyone before.. i am afraid to be alone in the dark.. i cannot stand being alone.. that was why i cried, sweet Jiejin pei me on the phone until i got on the bus and reach home, not only that, she even make me laugh, to cheer me up, Kenrus too, hahaz... THANK YOU KENRUS AND JIEJIN!!! hahaz..
i am grateful..
see?? told you i was crying and crying.. hahaz.. that's all.. bye

i am illegally using computer in the office.. hahaz.. boss went out to meet client.. only left my mom, auntie michelle and me.. hahaz.. well well they are busy.. i'm ... slacking.. hahaz.. not feeling well due to the haze.. haiz.. coughing and coughing and blowing my nose away..tao yan la.. the few things i hate, coughing is definitely on the list.. everytime without fail.. whenever i get cough.. i will cough until as if my lungs will be cough out by me anytime.. hahaz.. scary.. and tiring.. hahaz... i think i scared my boss with all the sneezing and the coughing.. hahaz.. so mean of me manz.. hahaz..

*cough, cough* i am skiving away.. hahaz.. lalalz..

can you all believe it?? i am actually working lahz!! hahaz.. have been working in my mama's office for 4 days le.. and just lidat, i earned $160.. hahaz... nice la..decided that i shall continue working until like december..i am working in my mama's office.. hmm.. time really flies there!! like i was just busy typing invoices, credit notes, faxing document, counting log list, doing fax transmission and then it is time to knock off le.. hahaz.. the best thing is, i get a NETT PAY.. because, my mom literally takes care and pay for my transportation and all my meals.. a benefit in working with your mama in the same company eh? hahaz..

today's cellgroup was good.. i cried for almost the entire worship.. (i'm living for more than just me! nothing's gonna change that, no one's gonna change that!!)wahahaz.. i think that's all ba.. now is like just 12.02am.. feels early.. whahaha

i dont understand, every year the same thing happens over and over again.. everytime near my birthday something ought to occur.. i hate it alot!!i got so upset, i left without fellowshipping with them,using the excuse of tiredness.. , ran towards the busstop, board on a cab and headed straight home.. then mel called, tears were welling up in my eyes, my heart started aching, when i put down the phone, i cant help but letting the tears to flow down.. my mom was at home, she wondered why was i home earlier than usual, she saw my red eyes, asked whether i cry, i dont wish to share it with her, so i blamed it on he haze..
this year i was finally looking forward for my birthday.. but now.. forget it.. i have left nothing to look forward to.. unknowingly my heart shattered.. not because no one care.. it is just that i never knew how to tell.. well just to really start with, birthday became just like a normal day to me, since i was in secondary one.. hahaz...
just cried abit.. but i should be fine.. .
dont feel like blogging le.. bye

well.. remember my previous, previous post, i wrote a love letter to myself? today i am going to write it again.. but it is for my mom and dad..just need to release all my feelings.. although i know about 101% they wont get the chance to see this but i still wanna write here..

hi mummy , i hate it when i see how you treat me and jiejie.. the difference.i hate feeling neglected or rather at lost of what to do..i hate seeing you always tries to help jiejie do things even thoughwe know that jiejie might not even notice. i hate the times when you will just say jiejie is busy and i have to help finish her work, even though you all know that it means doubling my workload.i hate the memories of, during her examination she can simply just sleep and study and i have to cover all her chores, while now she is already in poly and i am only having my N level exam , i not only need to do my part, but sometimes you all make me do her chores as well..
i feel so hurt when everytime when jiejie able to get away with it, i have to be the victim, i am also very hurt when sometimes things are spoilt, without asking the culprit will be me.. even though sometimes is not.. i am hurt when even we know that jiejie is calculative, i am always the way who have to give in.. is it because i am the youngest? i dont feel that it is fair, why she can just simply say i am sick, and she can get the money to seed octor while even when i am having fever, all i can do is just eat some panodol and hope that it will subside by its own.
i am afraid i will never reach your expectations, i am afraid that you will love me lesser than jiejie, i am afraid you will be as bias as in the past, the only jiejie is right but i will always be the one you doubt, i am so scared that i will never been able to be within your attention, all your world will just revolve around jiejie, the fears within me never decreased but everyday it increases,the pain within i bear is seriously cant be seen.
i am sorry for being a bit temperamental, but that is because of stress in school, i am sorry that sometimes i can get easily irritated too..i will change for the better, mummy i promise you.. but mummy i also want you to know that i love you,, I LOVE YOU ALOT thank you for being my mummy..
with lots of love,
jasmine, your daughter

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Jasmine Lim
Birth date: 30 October 1990
Current status: Attached
Eye colour: either black or i dont know, why dont you tell me?=)
Hair colour: should be black ba.. at least that was the color i last dyed.. hahaz
Righty or Lefty: right handed.
Zodiac Sign: Scropio
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE.
Your heritage: ??
Your fears: worry about my studies, his safety and my friends' well-being
Your weaknesses: low self esteem
Your perfect pizza:extra cheese please!!
Cappuccino or coffee: Neither, because i dont like nor drink coffee
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: No
Curse: Dont have
Take a shower: yup
Have a crush: i am happily attached
Think you've been in love:hmm.. weird question, i am!=D
School: yup
Want to get married: YES
Believe in yourself: sometimes
Think you're a health-freak: hmm..nope
LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Drank alcohol: Never
Gone to the mall: think i did.. did i?? hahaz
Been on stage: no,stage fright
Eaten sushi: i did!! i did!! =P
Dyed your hair: exam.. haiz..
LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER?
Played a stripping game: NEVER
Changed who you were to fit in: did it before.. but i wasnt happy
LAYER EIGHT
Age you're hoping to be married: 23!!
LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye colour: Hazel
Best hair colour: Not sure
Short or long hair: depends
LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 minute ago: doing this survey
1 hour ago: surfing net
4.5 hours ago:still surfing net
o1 month ago: hmmm..not sure
1 year ago: playing??
LAYER ELEVEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I love: God,Nasia, him, N161, mel, wei, belle ,jiejin, GraceQ and Sister Dorcas
I feel:neglected by love one
I hate: being fat.
I hide: my emotions(sometimes) from people.
I miss: Zac!
I need: God.
LAYER TWELVE: TAG 5 PEOPLE
number one: Andy
number two: xiao wei
number three: melissa
number four: pearly
number five: brendan

help me!!! me tagboard is like gone.. any good soul can help me do?? andy, my faithful blog reader, can help me?? hahaa... if can just call me thanks!!