well.. remember my previous, previous post, i wrote a love letter to myself? today i am going to write it again.. but it is for my mom and dad..just need to release all my feelings.. although i know about 101% they wont get the chance to see this but i still wanna write here..

hi mummy , i hate it when i see how you treat me and jiejie.. the difference.i hate feeling neglected or rather at lost of what to do..i hate seeing you always tries to help jiejie do things even thoughwe know that jiejie might not even notice. i hate the times when you will just say jiejie is busy and i have to help finish her work, even though you all know that it means doubling my workload.i hate the memories of, during her examination she can simply just sleep and study and i have to cover all her chores, while now she is already in poly and i am only having my N level exam , i not only need to do my part, but sometimes you all make me do her chores as well..
i feel so hurt when everytime when jiejie able to get away with it, i have to be the victim, i am also very hurt when sometimes things are spoilt, without asking the culprit will be me.. even though sometimes is not.. i am hurt when even we know that jiejie is calculative, i am always the way who have to give in.. is it because i am the youngest? i dont feel that it is fair, why she can just simply say i am sick, and she can get the money to seed octor while even when i am having fever, all i can do is just eat some panodol and hope that it will subside by its own.
i am afraid i will never reach your expectations, i am afraid that you will love me lesser than jiejie, i am afraid you will be as bias as in the past, the only jiejie is right but i will always be the one you doubt, i am so scared that i will never been able to be within your attention, all your world will just revolve around jiejie, the fears within me never decreased but everyday it increases,the pain within i bear is seriously cant be seen.
i am sorry for being a bit temperamental, but that is because of stress in school, i am sorry that sometimes i can get easily irritated too..i will change for the better, mummy i promise you.. but mummy i also want you to know that i love you,, I LOVE YOU ALOT thank you for being my mummy..
with lots of love,
jasmine, your daughter